Before You Say "I Do"...

I work with premarital couples often and whenever the results come back from their Prepare/Enrich assessment (an assessment that measures areas within the couple's relationship such as communication, relationship roles, conflict resolution skills, etc.) it never fails that at least one (often both) score as having unrealistic expectations for marriage.  Some of the statements that couples usually end up spending more time unpacking and expressing their true feelings on are:

*Nothing could cause us to question our love for one another.

*Love is all you need for a great marriage.

*Less romance means we have less love for one another.

Other areas that are often of focus include spirituality, communication, conflict resolution skills and extended family issues.  Couples often have not explored these areas together. 

One resource that I have found helpful for couples is Gary Chapman's new book "Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married".  Within this book it helps premarital couples (and dating couples) to explore romantic stages in a marriage, solving disagreements, issues of apologizing and forgiveness, and even helps couples to develop a healthy dating relationship.  This is done by helping couples explore the intellectual, emotional, social, physical and spiritual areas of their relationship. 

I recently read this statement, "Most people spend more time preparing for a career than they do for a marriage".  I agree with this very much.  People will spend four years in a degree program to prepare for their desired career while these same individuals will date someone for 4 months and get married.  I am not saying time is the issue (although research does show the infatuation stage can last around 24 months); it is an issue of understanding the importance of marriage.  Giving marriage the respect it deserves.  I would suggest speaking to the one that created marriage to understand what it is to look like, the purpose, and all the details concerning preparing for your future marriage.

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.   Ephesians 5:23 NIV

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  
Ephesians 5:25 NIV

Resources:

Chapman, G. (2010) Things I wish I'd known before we got married.  This book offers several helpful questions to guide dating and premarital couples to understanding more about their relationship and future steps to take in their relationship.

Gary Chapman's website:  This website offers free assessments to understand you and your partner's love language and apology language. 

Prepare/Enrich:  This program is for dating, premarital (engaged), and married couples (enrichment).  If you are interested in participating in this program or being trained to gives these assessments please contact Community Care at Mecklenburg Community Church.

James Emery White, And the two shall be done (Serious Times).  A sermon series that is good for dating, premarital and marital couples.