For the June Bride & Groom..& Everyday Afterwards....

This is the season of WEDDINGS! 
   
With invitations in the mailbox and finalizing wedding details it is easy to get so caught up in the never ending to-do list.  I have had the honor of working with many couples from all stages of their relationship (premarital to being married 30+ years).  I have also been able to work with couples going through a divorce.  Through these experiences I have one major piece of advice.  As you are about to make this commitment (or for those who already have), remember the following:
 
You are making a two part vow.....
    
1)  A vow to a changing person - this person will grow, will change and will not always be like the person you dated.  There is even a possibility with aging and sickness this person may not remember you or be able to do all the things they once did for you.   
  
2)  A vow to an unchanging God - God's words about marriage in the Bible will not change.  God's viewpoint on the promises made, the declaration to love and honor until death parts you both will not change.  The viewpoint of hating divorce and what it does to a family will not change.  Being a God that can be trusted will also not change.  Being a God that can redeem any situation (even if you are standing on the other side of divorce) will not change.     
 
It is important as you say your vows you realize it is a two part vow and what this entails.
 
Overall, when a couple enters a marriage and understands this two part vow it is amazing to watch.  Not that problems do not come; they do, but that this couple's marriage is build on such a strong foundation that it is an amazing force that stands up against those problems!    
  
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” - Matthew 7: 24 - 27 NIV


Editor's Note:  The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today.  If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121.  You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.  

The Power of Ephesians 4:29

 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29, NIV

 

 

A very powerful verse.  One that I personally go back to again and again.  Recently I started thinking about this verse in two specific areas of life and wondering how it would play out.  Meaning, what would really take place if we actually tried to live "Ephesians 4:29".

Those areas...

1)  What we say to our spouses

and

2)  What we say to ourselves.    

Could you imagine if you did not allow anything to go out of your mouth that was not:

*helpful

*building someone up

*Shows grace and benefits others

 

What would your relationships look like?

 

Now imagine if you spoke that same way to yourself.

 

How would your life be different? 

The key to life is found in God's word.  The key to our relationships, self-esteem, past, present and future is all found in this book.  In Hosea 4:6 we are told that we are destroyed by our lack of knowledge of God's word.  God's word is not scary or something to stay away from (that is what the enemy wants you to think).  God's word is not too hard to understand (there are people and resources to help and God's Spirit will also help). 

The truth is, God's word is so powerful, so liberating, so filled with joy, peace and wisdom that there is no wonder the enemy fights us so much to learn more and more about God's word.  

The word of God is meant to be lived out and by doing so have our life shaped in an amazing way.

So start this week.  Start living the word out.  Give Ephesians 4:29 a try and see how your life is change.

Editor's Note:  The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today.  If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121.  You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.

Top 10 Most Receptive People

Some of you may be familiar with the book Purpose Driven Church - Growth without compromising your message and mission by Rick Warren.  Within this book Warren states the following:

Ten most receptive groups of people that we've reached out to at Saddleback:

1.  Second-time visitors to the church

2.  Close friends and relative of new converts

3.  People going through a divorce

4.  Those who feel their need for a recovery program (alcohol, drugs, sexual, and so forth)

5.  First-time parents

6.  The terminally ill and their families

7.  Couples with major marriage problems

8.  Parents with problem children

9.  Recently unemployed or those with major financial problems

10.  New residents in the community

As you may have guessed many of these groups are Community Care groups.  In fact 5 of the 10 are areas in which Community Care leaders and members focus their time and effort in sharing about Christ!  If you would like to learn about ways you can volunteer with Community Care let us know today!  

Also, to see the spring offering of Community Groups look here! 

Resource:

Purpose Driven Church - Growth without compromising your message and mission - Rick Warren

Editor's Note:  The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today.  If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121.  You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.

Fall 2012 Community Care Resources

We are all so excited about this fall season and the wonderful groups being offered through Community Care!  

Look at all the great offerings and register today!

For dates and times look here!

Family Resources

DivorceCare

Single & Parenting

 

Marriage Resources

Marriage Prep

Marriage Mentor Training

 

Spiritual Resources

Prayer Team

Spiritual Mentoring Program

 

Healing Resources

GriefShare

Surrendering the Secret

Life's Healing Choices

Celebrate Recovery  

Editor's Note: The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today. If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121. You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.

Feb. 7 - 14th National Marriage Week

February 7 - 14th is considered the National Marriage Week. With keeping this in mind I thought it may be wise to consult the wisest words ever wrote about marriage. Actually, these would be the wisest words ever written about LOVE. These words are found in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 (NIV):

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

When working with couples there is something I love to give them. I do not know who wrote this to give appropriate credit but this is a very helpful resource (the key is to read it only with yourself in mind, do not read it thinking about what your spouse does for you):

I Corinthians 13: 4-8 Assessment

Am I patient with my spouse? (I am flexible and understanding) Ephesians 4:2-3

Am I kind to my spouse? (I am kind in thought, words, and actions toward him/her) Ephesians 4: 31-32

Am I supportive (not envious) with my spouse? (I do not keep score when I feel I do more) James 3:16 – 18

Am I encouraging (not boastful) to my spouse? (I do not brag about my accomplishments while downplaying theirs) Hebrews 3:13 

Am I humble (not proud) with my spouse? (I do not think my agenda is more important than my spouse’s agenda) I Peter 5:6

Am I gracious (not rude) to my spouse? (I build up my spouse with my words spoken in private and public) Ephesians 4:29

Am I selfless (not self-seeking) with my spouse? (I focus on my spouse’s needs and wants and balance them with my own) Philippians 2:3-4

Am I self-controlled (Not easily angered) with my spouse? (I do not have a short fuse or quick temper) Proverbs 15:1

Am I able to forgive and let go (keeping no records or wrongs) with my spouse’s shortcomings? (I do not use my spouse’s past shortcoming as ammunition in today’s disagreements or allow these things to taint our communication today) Colossians 3: 12-14

Do I delight in being faithful to God (not delighting in Evil)? (I see to live a pure life and choose not to flirt with sin) Ephesians 4:1

Do I rejoice with truth? (I actively pursue God’s truth over Satan’s lies) John 8: 31-32

Do I seek to protect my spouse (I fill in the gaps where they feel weak and vulnerable) I Thessalonians 5:11

Do I trust my spouse? (I give my spouse the benefits of the doubt) I Peter 3:8

Do I keep hope alive in my marriage? (I trust God with OUR future, not “my” future) Jeremiah 29:11

Do I persevere in my marriage? (I look for solutions to problems rather than look for a way out) Matthew 5:33

Am I committed to the permanence of our marriage? (I believe divorce is not an option for us) Malachi 2:16

We hope and pray that this week is one that reminds you of the greatest gift God gave, Love.

Why is this the greatest? The answer is found in 1 John 4:8 (NIV):

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Resources

Community Care offers resources such as Marriage Prep Classes, Marriage Mentoring and Marriage Enrichment courses. For more information contact us today!

Community Care site: http://www.mecklenburg.org/community-care

Marital Jokes

Within Community Care we work with marital couples probably the most. I love to work with couples, premarital and marital, but marital is my favorite. For years now I have studied various theories on marriage, marriage techniques, cultural viewpoints on marriage and Biblical viewpoints on marriage. All this to say I have come to a conclusion:

Marriage is great and I highly recommend this union. 

 
I say that humbly and carefully. I also say that compassionately to those of you whose marriage may have not been what you desired and ended in divorce. As you may imagine, the majority if not all the married couples I work with are close to a separation and or divorce. And even though this is the case, my conclusion is still the same. I believe Gary Thomas in his book, “Devotions for a Sacred Marriage” says it best:

God designed and created marriage as a lifelong institution between one man and one woman, and he calls most of us into this estate. The fact that he created marriage and called us into marriage makes this estate a holy one, a right one, and a spiritually healthy one. We should humbly surrender to God’s will. Armed with this understanding and insight, even the most difficult of marriages have value. God designed this relationship. God called you into this relationship. Therefore marriage – with all its joy and all its trials, all its comforts and all its sufferings, all its happiness and all its pain – is good.

Since this is the case, and God created marriage I want to encourage you within something. Lately I have come to realize how many marital jokes are told and the overall viewpoint of marriage within our media. I encourage you to speak highly and respectfully of marriage. If you are married recognize the sacredness of this union and honor God with your actions and your words. If you are not married, respect this union between your family and friends and encourage them also to honor this relationship.

Remember, marriage is God’s creation and let’s be careful how we speak about something that God has created.

Resources

Community Care – communitycare@mecklenburg.org; 704.598.9800 x 121

Gary Thomas - Devotions for a Sacred Marriage

Thanksgiving Woes?

The basic principle of Thanksgiving is to have quality time with family and friends while taking time to give thanks for all of your many blessings. This is the basic principle of this holiday IDEALLY.

In REALITY it can be a time where we are confronted with family and friends from the past and old wounds, hurts, or grudges may come more to the surface. If this describes your Thanksgiving holiday closer consider the following:

How to act and feel:

• Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

                                                           Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)  
 
What responding in love looks like:

• It (*love) does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

                                                          1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV)

Who to give the Hurt to:

• He (*God) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

                                                          Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

When you forgive, you OUTWIT our Enemy:

• Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.

                                                          2 Corinthians 2:10 - 11 (NIV)

 Forgiveness has a direct impact with your relationship with God:

• For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.  

                                                         Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV)

 

We have a WONDERFUL example of Reconciliation to help us:

• All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:  that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

                                                         2 Corinthians 5: 18 - 19 (NIV) 

Go ahead and trust God with this hurt!  

Make this Thanksgiving one that pleases God!

Note

Items with * is where a word was added for clarification and is not in the original text

Resources

Having issues with forgiveness?  We would love to talk to you today!  Contact us at 704.598.980 x 121 or at communitycare@mecklenburg.org

Servanthood

Serving Christ through serving others. Do not ask me how many years that phrase has been my life motto. I have no idea. When I was young I thought about the following question a lot:

What is the greatest thing a person could ever be? After a lot of thought and prayer a very interesting answer came.

A servant. I base this on Matthew 20:28 where it states that Christ came to serve and not to be served. Therefore, as a Christ follower, that would mean I am here to serve also. Understanding this spiritually has not been hard for me. Putting this into practical application every day of my life is where the issues have come. I can also say I am not alone with this.

When working with couples, I especially hear phrases such as:

*He/she never does this.
*I do everything.
*What will I get out of this?
*I do not feel cared for or loved.


I bring up those statements not to say as a Christian we become a "doormat". There are Biblical instructions on handling conflict (i.e. Matthew 18: 15-17). Instead, I bring those comments up since many times it is more of a case of the need for a perspective change than anything else. With our sinful tendencies, we drift toward laziness, and a perspective of what "should" be done for "me". Instead, the message of Christ is more like the following in a relationship:

*What can I do for you today?
*How can I love you better?
*I pray that you experience God's best today.

When our focus is on loving and servanthood we are being a picture of Christ. This above all, is what we are called to be a picture of in all of our relationships. This above all, is the most important thing we could ever be!


just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 NIV


Resource

Gary Chapman. Learning to Serve.

Mentors: Marriage (Part 2 of 4)

Last week we explored what Spiritual Mentors were and how to be involved within being a mentor or mentee.  This week the focus is on Marriage Mentors! 

Within Community Care at Mecklenburg Community Church, trained marriage mentors are available to help you at every stage of your relationship.  This includes three major areas:


1)  Preparing:  Mentoring Engaged and Newlywed Couples
2)  Maximizing:  Mentoring Couples from Good to Great
3)  Repairing:  Mentoring Couples in Distress

The training that our marriage mentor's go through includes topics such as:

*Building Rapport
*Working as a team
*Asking Meaningful Questions
*Telling Your Stories
*Praying Together
*Common Subjects to Explore with Your Marriage Mentorees
*And much more!..

If you are interested in receiving information on how to obtain a marriage mentor, how to become a marriage mentor or simply want additional information about the program please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org today!

Resources

The Complete Guide to Marriage Mentoring - Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts - Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot

Fall Lineup!

With the last vacation days quickly passing and the start of a new school year, the fall Community Care lineup also starts!  This fall we are offering wonderful groups to help in various areas of life.    The goal of Community Care is to help you with spiritual and emotional guidance.  All of these courses are open to everyone in the community.  We hope to see you there!


These courses and groups include:

*Celebrate Recovery  (Every Thursday Night)
*GriefShare (Starts August 25th)
*GriefShare for the Holidays (November 9th and December 5th)
*Sacred Marriage (Starts August 23rd)
*Prayer Team (regular meetings to pray and learn about prayer meets every Saturday)
*Life's Healing Choices (Starts August 23rd)
*DivorceCare (Starts August 25th)
*DivorceCare for Kids (Starts August 25th)
*Marriage Prep (Starts September 13th)

Community Care will be doing much more this fall so let us know if you have any questions! Email us here or find out about the times and locations of the Community Care events here!

We firmly believe healing and guidance is available to all that seek for this!

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 (NIV)

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  Psalm 147:3 (NIV)

Modern Family - Step or Bonus?

With father's day quickly approaching our attention turns to our relationships with our own father or fathers.  I recently heard someone refer to their stepson as a "bonus son".  I instantly loved this when I heard the phrase.  This son was not some type of add on or second thought but a cherished blessing that they were so thankful to have.  It reminds me of Ephesians 1: 3-8 (NIV):    

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding,

The truth is you probably are either in a step-family or you definitely know a step-family.  This would be considered the modern "normal" family for today.  The issue is that when two individuals come together to create a family it can be very hard; add another family to deal with (i.e. scheduling visitation with children) it can move from difficult to excruciating.

Finding ways to navigate these treacherous waters is what "The Smart Step-Family", by Ron Deal, helps to do.  This class will be starting next week at the North Charlotte campus of Mecklenburg Community Church.  Through this material, several key insights are given to help strengthen relationships in a step-family, to review and learn common reactions that children have, explore common expectations step-parents have, and how these can conflict with each other.  Some specific areas that will be explored include:

*An overview of becoming a Smart step-family and all the different types of step-families there are
*A redemptive God
*Testing relationship expectations
*Healthy marriages - key steps
*Creating a parenting team

Whatever your relationship is with your father or fathers there is hope because of your Heavenly father! 


Resources


Smart Stepfamilies Main Site


Mecklenburg Community Church Schedule for the Smart Step-family group