For the June Bride & Groom..& Everyday Afterwards....

This is the season of WEDDINGS! 
   
With invitations in the mailbox and finalizing wedding details it is easy to get so caught up in the never ending to-do list.  I have had the honor of working with many couples from all stages of their relationship (premarital to being married 30+ years).  I have also been able to work with couples going through a divorce.  Through these experiences I have one major piece of advice.  As you are about to make this commitment (or for those who already have), remember the following:
 
You are making a two part vow.....
    
1)  A vow to a changing person - this person will grow, will change and will not always be like the person you dated.  There is even a possibility with aging and sickness this person may not remember you or be able to do all the things they once did for you.   
  
2)  A vow to an unchanging God - God's words about marriage in the Bible will not change.  God's viewpoint on the promises made, the declaration to love and honor until death parts you both will not change.  The viewpoint of hating divorce and what it does to a family will not change.  Being a God that can be trusted will also not change.  Being a God that can redeem any situation (even if you are standing on the other side of divorce) will not change.     
 
It is important as you say your vows you realize it is a two part vow and what this entails.
 
Overall, when a couple enters a marriage and understands this two part vow it is amazing to watch.  Not that problems do not come; they do, but that this couple's marriage is build on such a strong foundation that it is an amazing force that stands up against those problems!    
  
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.  But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” - Matthew 7: 24 - 27 NIV


Editor's Note:  The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today.  If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121.  You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.  

The Power of Ephesians 4:29

 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29, NIV

 

 

A very powerful verse.  One that I personally go back to again and again.  Recently I started thinking about this verse in two specific areas of life and wondering how it would play out.  Meaning, what would really take place if we actually tried to live "Ephesians 4:29".

Those areas...

1)  What we say to our spouses

and

2)  What we say to ourselves.    

Could you imagine if you did not allow anything to go out of your mouth that was not:

*helpful

*building someone up

*Shows grace and benefits others

 

What would your relationships look like?

 

Now imagine if you spoke that same way to yourself.

 

How would your life be different? 

The key to life is found in God's word.  The key to our relationships, self-esteem, past, present and future is all found in this book.  In Hosea 4:6 we are told that we are destroyed by our lack of knowledge of God's word.  God's word is not scary or something to stay away from (that is what the enemy wants you to think).  God's word is not too hard to understand (there are people and resources to help and God's Spirit will also help). 

The truth is, God's word is so powerful, so liberating, so filled with joy, peace and wisdom that there is no wonder the enemy fights us so much to learn more and more about God's word.  

The word of God is meant to be lived out and by doing so have our life shaped in an amazing way.

So start this week.  Start living the word out.  Give Ephesians 4:29 a try and see how your life is change.

Editor's Note:  The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today.  If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121.  You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.

Fall 2012 Community Care Resources

We are all so excited about this fall season and the wonderful groups being offered through Community Care!  

Look at all the great offerings and register today!

For dates and times look here!

Family Resources

DivorceCare

Single & Parenting

 

Marriage Resources

Marriage Prep

Marriage Mentor Training

 

Spiritual Resources

Prayer Team

Spiritual Mentoring Program

 

Healing Resources

GriefShare

Surrendering the Secret

Life's Healing Choices

Celebrate Recovery  

Editor's Note: The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today. If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121. You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.

Safe People: Celebrate Recovery [Guest Post]

This is a guest post from one of our Celebrate Recovery Leaders. 

If I had to name just a few things that I love about Celebrate Recovery, it would be that I can be honest without being judged, fixed or told what to do. I have to say that although it is only Tuesday, the past several days have been challenging for me personally.

As I have been praying and reflecting on how I can respond to conflict in my life in a healthier way, I remembered a series that our pastor had about "safe people." He spent some time giving us some tips on how to know who to invest in when it comes to friendships and relationships. Every now and then I have had to clean house with people in my life that weigh me down. This doesn't mean that I write them off completely, I delicately distance myself in order to have time to invest in the people that love me for who I am. The people that are quietly waiting for me to come to my senses and discover and embrace their gift of friendship and love for me.

When I am caught up in pleasing people, I get caught up in the feeling that I need to earn their love and acceptance. This is distorted thinking. Due to this distorted thinking, I overlook the people that are there for me always. The friends that I need more of in my life. The people that do not care if I do anything perfectly, that don't "want something from me" but they just want to be in my company and do life with me. This has been a challenge for me for as long as I can remember. My need for approval and acceptance has had some very high costs in my life. I continue to struggle with this and just when I feel that I have this issue all figured out, a challenge is presented.

The last week of the Safe People series, Jim asked the very poignant question "are YOU a safe person?"

So with that, I leave you with this thought from our pastor on the way you can become a "safe person" for your friends and the people you love.

When faced with a problem and caught up in the emotions of the moment, before I begin to speak the harsh words that so easily come out of my mouth (that might take me years and many good deeds to try to reverse the pain I can cause) here is what I need to remember:

• Is it true?

• Is it kind?

• Does it need to be said?

• Does it need to be said right now?

• Does it need to be said by me?

Thank you for your gift of friendship in Celebrate Recovery and being a safe place for all to share.


Editor's Note: The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today. If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121. You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.

10 ways to PROTECT your Marriage!

I love marriage. I love the Biblical outline of marriage, I love the relational principles of a life-long commitment, and I also love the challenge.

The challenge is the closer we get to someone the more of our own sin that is shown.  Our spouses see us for who we are, seeing us in our very best and very worst moments in life. The beautiful thing is that this is a mirror to us to be able to see sin in ourselves and our relationships.   We may not have even known the sin existed previously. Therefore, marriage can be a wonderful sanctification process. 

Since there are so many beautiful things that can come from marriage, marriage is an area that is a MAJOR target for our ENEMY. This enemy wants to steal the blessings that come from a marital relationship and destroy the family that has been formed.

I not only love marriage, I love working with marital couples. Throughout the past years of doing this I have seen patterns where our enemy found a "hole" in a relationship and entered and started his work of destruction.

Here are TEN common holes the Enemy comes through and ways to plug them fast!  

1. Being upfront with each other.  If you have had a possible improper interaction with a person of the opposite sex (i.e. could be interpreted as flirting, etc.) or there is an issue in the relationship let your spouse know (always with the spirit of reconciliation and not to "get your way"). 
2. Weekly Date Nights.  This looks different for each couple but be sure to have quality time engaging each other weekly (daily is better). 
3. Spiritual protection.  Pray for the relationship and each other.  Pray to be delivered from our Enemy, for protection for your relationship and ask your spouse how you can be praying for them. 
4. Self-esteem.  Do not let a day go by without reconfirming for the other one that they are loved and you are thankful they are your spouse.  One simple way to do this is to make a commitment to give your spouse at least one genuine compliment each day.  It is a small thing that goes a LONG way. 
5. Mums the word!  Be careful what you tell to others about your relationship (i.e. family members, co-workers, etc.).  It is common to have a disagreement with a spouse, tell a family member, you and your spouse make up and the family member is still upset.  This can cause significant problems.  
6. Speak highly of your spouse!  Remember to be your spouse's biggest fan.  Be mindful about what you say to others (i.e. to family members, co-workers, friends, etc.).  
7. Be mindful of distractions.  Be mindful of anything that takes time away from the relationship (i.e. computer, games, phone, children, work, etc.).  Be sure to not let EVERYTHING else crowd out the time and energy you need to reserve for your spouse.  
8. Say NO to flirting!  If an outsider breaks a boundary (i.e. opposite sex flirts) the spouse receiving this needs to be upfront with stopping this ASAP.  Remember, when this happens it is not of God but from the Enemy!  
9. What are you fighting for?  When you are about to have a disagreement, in the middle of one, or even after ask yourself, “What am I fighting for”. Is this Godly or Un-Godly?  Is this for reconciliation, to get my way, etc.  
10. Pray for God to teach you how to LOVE your spouse.  Let God guide you and study your spouse.  Pray not only for the wisdom to know the actions to take but also pray for the heart to complete those actions.   

Do you know of another "hole" our enemy uses and a way to "plug" this?  

Share your thoughts!

Servanthood

Serving Christ through serving others. Do not ask me how many years that phrase has been my life motto. I have no idea. When I was young I thought about the following question a lot:

What is the greatest thing a person could ever be? After a lot of thought and prayer a very interesting answer came.

A servant. I base this on Matthew 20:28 where it states that Christ came to serve and not to be served. Therefore, as a Christ follower, that would mean I am here to serve also. Understanding this spiritually has not been hard for me. Putting this into practical application every day of my life is where the issues have come. I can also say I am not alone with this.

When working with couples, I especially hear phrases such as:

*He/she never does this.
*I do everything.
*What will I get out of this?
*I do not feel cared for or loved.


I bring up those statements not to say as a Christian we become a "doormat". There are Biblical instructions on handling conflict (i.e. Matthew 18: 15-17). Instead, I bring those comments up since many times it is more of a case of the need for a perspective change than anything else. With our sinful tendencies, we drift toward laziness, and a perspective of what "should" be done for "me". Instead, the message of Christ is more like the following in a relationship:

*What can I do for you today?
*How can I love you better?
*I pray that you experience God's best today.

When our focus is on loving and servanthood we are being a picture of Christ. This above all, is what we are called to be a picture of in all of our relationships. This above all, is the most important thing we could ever be!


just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28 NIV


Resource

Gary Chapman. Learning to Serve.