This is a guest post from one of our Celebrate Recovery Leaders.
If I had to name just a few things that I love about Celebrate Recovery, it would be that I can be honest without being judged, fixed or told what to do. I have to say that although it is only Tuesday, the past several days have been challenging for me personally.
As I have been praying and reflecting on how I can respond to conflict in my life in a healthier way, I remembered a series that our pastor had about "safe people." He spent some time giving us some tips on how to know who to invest in when it comes to friendships and relationships. Every now and then I have had to clean house with people in my life that weigh me down. This doesn't mean that I write them off completely, I delicately distance myself in order to have time to invest in the people that love me for who I am. The people that are quietly waiting for me to come to my senses and discover and embrace their gift of friendship and love for me.
When I am caught up in pleasing people, I get caught up in the feeling that I need to earn their love and acceptance. This is distorted thinking. Due to this distorted thinking, I overlook the people that are there for me always. The friends that I need more of in my life. The people that do not care if I do anything perfectly, that don't "want something from me" but they just want to be in my company and do life with me. This has been a challenge for me for as long as I can remember. My need for approval and acceptance has had some very high costs in my life. I continue to struggle with this and just when I feel that I have this issue all figured out, a challenge is presented.
The last week of the Safe People series, Jim asked the very poignant question "are YOU a safe person?"
So with that, I leave you with this thought from our pastor on the way you can become a "safe person" for your friends and the people you love.
When faced with a problem and caught up in the emotions of the moment, before I begin to speak the harsh words that so easily come out of my mouth (that might take me years and many good deeds to try to reverse the pain I can cause) here is what I need to remember:
- Is it true?
- Is it kind?
- Does it need to be said?
- Does it need to be said right now?
- Does it need to be said by me?
Editor's Note: The Community Care ministry provides emotional and spiritual support. There is a pastor or community care leader available to speak with you today. If you have questions regarding the Community Care ministries please contact communitycare@mecklenburg.org or 704.598.9800 x 121. You may also learn more at the Community Care website and our upcoming events page.
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